They are still gone next door and it feels safe to enjoy my yard, so despite the heat I wrestled with the mower this evening after dinner. Sweated those two Bass beers I drank with dinner right out of my system. Even though I was up at 4:30 this morning to drive my darling sister to the airport I feel energized. Red-faced with wet sweaty hair and full of thoughts and theories and observations.
My sister Kathleen arranged that I meet an old friend of hers and George's on Saturday at Can Can. She described me in the e-mail inviting him as her "suddenly single sister." Poor man. He and his brother and his brother's wife, and his daughter and his daughter's partner all met us for dinner. Awkward. Oh my. Could of been a disaster of epic middle-aged proportions except for the fact that these were very gracious people who are a clan. Just like my small family is a clan. They were just happy to see each other and considered seeing Kathleen a bonus as they clearly love her for who she is and as George's wife. They were there as a kindness to Kath and I deeply appreciated it. It took about three seconds to realize that the best thing I could achieve that evening was to make my big sister proud. So I divorced myself from any expectations and tried to be my most gracious and amusing and all things generous. This is a very attractive smart guy who also happens to be the father of an amazingly smart tough and gorgeous young woman in her first year of surgical residency. It was fun sitting next to her, her energy crackled - I liked that.
It was also fun not to be socializing with men who have witnessed the last seven months of my pain. Men who are husbands to my women friends and who have not a friggin' idea what to do with me. I am the loose cannon. No one can flirt harmlessly with me like they could when I was attached. And besides, they are all waiting for me to burst into racking sobs, and for my head to spin totally around on my shoulders.
On Saturday I think I made these guys laugh, and I think I looked okay for a 54 year old six foot two old broad. Most of all I think I made my big sister proud, and that is just all right. I also think I forgot to thank those boys for dinner. It was nice to get out.
hell. I had all kinds of other observations to make... but the Bass beer and the sweat and the fact that I have been up for 17 hours have conspired to drain any energy for profundities tonight.
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3 comments:
You mention being under the water...waves continue to wash over you, sometimes you see the blue sky, but not always. You didn't say that part, you didn't have too, but i KNOW this is true. I was there myself. In fact, it's been seven years in a few weeks since I demanded "J" leave the woman he was seeing or leave me and our life of 21 years. He chose leaving me and on the anniversary of his departure, "J" will be marrying "A", the woman he left me for...men are pretty silly. He should set another anniversary date for his new marriage than the date he left this marriage. I sure would want a new date... Here's to the sunshine that's shing on me now!!
Of course you made your big sister proud... you are a gem! Love you -k
I know it's probably small comfort, but if I look as good as you in thirty years I will be incredibly happy.
I miss you up here.
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